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The Best T-Shirts of Summer, 2001

by Bob Levey

It's a rite of summer – Bob Levey's collection of the funniest T-shirts of the year, as spotted and reported by his readers.

The 2001 edition is as laugh-inducing as usual.

Here's the best of what's aboard torsos great and small:

"Places to Go, People to Annoy" – Carl Binswanger, of Lake Ridge.

"If a Man Speaks in the Forest and There Is No Woman Around to Hear Him – Is He Still Wrong?" – George Takacs.

"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15" – Tom Wheeler.

"A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words, But It Uses Up a Thousand Times the Memory" – Tom Wheeler again.

"Hey, I Already Went to Hell, and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" – Phil Frankenfeld, of Northwest Washington.

"They Call Me a Feminist Every Time I Say Something That Distinguishes Me From a Doormat" – an e-mailer called Rosalynjr.

"I'm a Natural Blonde – Speak Slowly" – Ted Hudson, of Centreville.

"Of Course I Don't Look Busy – I Did It Right the First Time" – Robert Cooke, of Vienna.

"Damn Straight I'm a College Grad – Paper or Plastic?" – Mike Goldberg, of Greenbelt.

"Army: Be All That You're Told to Be" – Martin Mould, of Springfield.

"I Used to Be Schizophrenic, But Now We're Just Fine" – Barbara VanLuven.

"Some Days It Just Doesn't Pay to Chew Through the Leather Restraint Straps" – Gloriann E. Loikith.

"When Did My Wild Oats Turn Into Shredded Wheat?" – Joanne Jablonski, of Ocean Pines, Md.

"My Husband and I Divorced Over Religious Differences – He Thought He Was God and I Didn't" – Gerri Marmer.

"Sky Diving – Speed Limit 120 MPH (Not Strictly Enforced)" – Lyndsey Curtis, of Alexandria.

"Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh" – Roger Fortin.

"I'm Pro-Lifejacket and I Boat!" – Lauryne Wright.

(On the front) "I Cannot be Bought" – (On the back) "Inquire About Leasing" – Gary E. Schlegelmilch, of Woodbridge.

"Those Who Think They Know It All Are an Annoyance To Those of Us Who Do!" – Steve Amato, of Alexandria.

"Guys Have Feelings, Too. But Like, Who Cares?" – an e-mailer named KelBriMK.

"Re-Elect Gore in 2004" – Ramberto Torruella.

"I Can Only Be Nice to One Person Today – Today Is Not Your Day – Tomorrow Doesn't Look Good, Either" – Ed Roman, of Woodbridge.

"All I Ask Is a Chance to Prove That Money Can't Make Me Happy" – Carol Heymann.

"If You Can't Beat Them, Arrange to Have Them Beaten" – Shawn McCausland.

"I Went Hunting and All I Caught Was a Cold" – Kelly Wilson, of Arlington.

"If God Had Meant for Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees" – Andrea Irzinski, of Gaithersburg.

"He Who Dies With the Most Toys Wins – But He Still Dies" – Greg Borchert.

"Look Out Behind You – The Lemmings Are Gaining" – an e-mailer called kaschen.

"Welcome to Kentucky – Set Your Watch Back 20 Years" – Bob Lauder.

"Practice Safe Food – Use Condiments" – Len Greenberg, of Sterling.

"Five Out of Four People Don't Understand Fractions" – Dick Smith, of Springfield.

"If You Wish to Be Young Again, Remember Algebra" – Dick Smith again.

"Men and Women Are From Earth – Deal With It" – Dick Smith yet again.

"I'm Not Fat – I'm Just Fluffy" – Marcia Stinewalt, of Harrisonburg, Va.

"Our Lady of Perpetual Mood Swings" – Joan E. Runge, of Beltsville.

"I Chose the Road Less Traveled – Now Where the Heck Am I?" – Vera Rausch, of Rockville.

"I Hope My Ship Comes In Before My Dock Rots" – Kennette Glassford, of Fredericksburg.

"Yes, It's Lonely at the Top – But I Eat a Lot Better Than You" – Anthony Glassford, of Annandale.

"Hugs Are Fully Returnable" – Mindy Crawford, of Cottage City.

(Aboard a pregnant woman) "When You're In Love, It Shows" – Daniel DeLiberto, of Ocean City, N.J.

"Bless Grandmothers! – They Minimize Our Failures and Magnify Our Successes" – Marge Killmon, of Annandale.

"Next Time You Think You're So Smart, Try Walking on Water" – Mickey Gordon, of Fort Defiance, Va.

"A Woman Needs Four Animals in Her Life – A Mink on Her Back, a Jaguar in Her Garage, a Tiger in Her Bed and a Jackass to Pay for It All" – Violet Knight, of Annandale.

"And You're Telling Me This Because..." – Sunni Bond Winkler.

"I'm in Shape – Round Is a Shape" – Skipper Oliver, of Woodbridge.

"Life Is Uncertain – Eat Dessert First" – Lucy Gallimore, of Burke.

"The Weather Is Here – Wish You Were Beautiful!" – Emilio Prencipe, of Bowie.

More tomorrow, on many of these same stations...

© 2001 Bob Levey (
This article is reproduced with the kind permission of the author.

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