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Yes, More Funniest T-Shirts of 2000

by Bob Levey

You craved it, and here it is: a second column full of Funniest T-Shirts of 2000. Without further ado...

Blessed Are They Who Can Laugh at Themselves, for They Shall Never Cease to Be Amused – Anonymous.

I Wish the Buck Stopped Here; I Could Use a Few – Another Anonymous.

They Can Send Me to College But They Can't Make Me Think – T.L. Wilson, of Tucson.

Genealogy: Living in the Past Lane – W.E. Campbell, of Arlington.

This Body Is a Temple; Chocolate Worshipped Daily – Lyell Rodieck.

Sex Is Like Air; It's Not Important Unless You Aren't Getting Any – William Lee.

The Problem With Opportunity Is That It Only Knocks, While Temptation Kicks In the Door – Julie Staples.

I Got to Vietnam Before McDonald's Did – Danielle Newman, of St. Louis, who saw it aboard someone in the Saigon airport.

My Dog Can Lick Anyone – Carol Church.

Mom and Dad Worked Hard So I Could Have a College Education; I'll Give Them Free Fries for Life – from a catalogue that lives at

Soooo, When's the Wizard Getting Back to You About That Brain? – Kathy Childs, of Alexandria.

Consciousness: That Annoying Time Between Naps – Anonymous.

I Haven't Lost My Mind; It's Backed Up on a Disk Somewhere – Also Anonymous.

Hey, You! Out of the Gene Pool! – Anonymous again.

If You Can Read This, Pull Me Back in the Boat – J. Mark Harl, of Germantown.

Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair – Donna Nash, of Alexandria.

Veni, Vidi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping – Jennifer Glatt, of Laguna Niguel, Calif.

Star Light, Star Bright, Where the H%$# Is Mister Right? – Lynne Finch, of Alexandria, who says it belongs to "a single woman, over 30, who is tired of living in Washington."

I'd Quit This Job But I Need the Sleep – Winton A.J. Carroll, of Falls Church.

The Secret: Find an Age You Like and Stick to It! – Bev Steinhagen, of Oak Hill, Va., who received that very slogan aboard a T-shirt for her 40th birthday.

I Have the Body of a God; Unfortunately, It's Buddha – Vera Rausch, of Rockville.

Cinderella Was Thrown Off the Basketball Team Because She Ran Away from the Ball – Kennette Glassford, of Fredericksburg, Va.

I Miss My Ex, But My Aim Is Improving – Dave Sherman.

I'm Your Father, Not an ATM – Ronald H. Deiter, of Arlington.

I Used Up All My Sick Days, So I'm Calling in Dead – "A government employee."

If I Follow You Home Will You Keep Me? – Bert Sugars, of Ocean City, N.J.

Smile: It Makes People Wonder What You're Up To – Sakina Yusuf Shikari.

Alcohol and Calculus Don't Mix; Never Drink and Derive – Geddis Tesserae.

(Over a picture of a dog) My Name Is 'No, No, Bad Dog!' What's Yours? – Rachel Friend, of Burke.

A Good Lawyer Knows the Law; a Great Lawyer Knows the Judge – J.J. Bonsignore, of Kensington.

Flashy But Trashy – Anonymous.

Chlorine: The Breakfast of Champions – Gay Takakoshi, of Arlington, who saw it on a shirt created by her niece's swimming team.

Four Years of College and Whom Did It Get Me? – Sunny Raport, of Rockville.

Should I Talk to the Man in Charge or the Woman Who Knows What's Going On? – Marge Killmon, of Annandale.

I Got This Shirt When I Turned 40; I HATE This Shirt – Hazel A. Garland, of Edgewater.

Ex-Wife for Sale; Just Take Over Payments – Hazel Garland again.

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest – Mike Parrish, of Arlington.

Being Placed on a Pedestal Is a Right, Not a Privilege – Judith C. Koch, of Silver Spring.

The Older the Fiddle, the Sweeter the Tune – Santa A. Fama, of Bethesda.

Out of Estrogen and I've Got a Gun! – Sue Benson, of Greenbelt.

This Is the Only Shirt I Didn't Lose in Las Vegas – Ruth W. Goldberg, of Potomac.

I'd Rather Be in the Boat With a Drink on the Rocks Than in the Drink With the Boat on the Rocks – Barbara Burroughs, who saw it in "Annapolis, where else?"

Women Who Seek to Be Equal to Men Lack Ambition – P.J. Siegel, of Greenbelt.

You Have the Right to Remain Silent, So Please Shut Up – Roy Dickstein.

Dyslexics Have More Fnu – Susan Bohnenblust.

I'm Too Sexy for My Hair; That's Why It Isn't There – worn by a "folically challenged" fellow at the beach, and reported by Todd Goren.

Of Course I Don't Look Busy; I Did It Right the First Time – Cathy Smith Caviness.

Remember, You Either Find Time to Exercise or You'll Have to Find Time to Be Sick – Sydney Ann Barr, of Dunkirk.

Unproductive People Revolve Around the Earth at the Same Speed as Productive People – Kendra Riggs.

Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups – Dani Kehoe, of Falls Church.

© 2000 Bob Levey (
This article is reproduced with the kind permission of the author.

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