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Spoonerisms
The Fun-with-words.com Spoonerism archive starts with a section devoted to genuine Spoonerisms – those that have been attributed to the Rev. William Archibald Spooner himself. Following that are several more amusing Spoonerisms, and whole section of playing card Spoonerisms.
Spooner's Spoonerisms
| fighting a liar | lighting a fire |
| you hissed my mystery lecture | you missed my history lecture |
| cattle ships and bruisers | battle ships and cruisers |
| nosey little cook | cosy little nook |
| a blushing crow | a crushing blow |
| tons of soil | sons of toil |
| our queer old Dean | our dear old Queen |
| we'll have the hags flung out | we'll have the flags hung out |
| you've tasted two worms | you've wasted two terms |
| our shoving leopard | our loving shepherd |
| a half-warmed fish | a half-formed wish |
| is the bean dizzy? | is the Dean busy? |
More Funny Spoonerisms
| know your blows | blow your nose |
| go and shake a tower | go and take a shower |
| tease my ears | ease my tears |
| nicking your pose | picking your nose |
| you have very mad banners | you have very bad manners |
| lack of pies | pack of lies |
| it's roaring with pain | it's pouring with rain |
| sealing the hick | healing the sick |
| go help me sod | so help me God |
| pit nicking | nit picking |
| bowel feast | foul beast |
| I'm a damp stealer | I'm a stamp dealer |
| hypodemic nurdle | hypodermic needle |
| wave the sails | save the whales |
| chipping the flannel on TV | flipping the channel on TV |
| mad bunny | bad money |
| I'm shout of the hour | I'm out of the shower |
| lead of spite | speed of light |
| this is the pun fart | this is the fun part |
| I hit my bunny phone | I hit my funny bone |
| flutter by | butterfly |
| bedding wells | wedding bells |
| I must mend the sail | I must send the mail |
| cop porn | popcorn |
| it crawls through the fax | it falls through the cracks |
| my zips are lipped | my lips are zipped |
| bat flattery | flat battery |
| would you like a nasal hut? | would you like a hazel nut? |
| puke on | coupon |
| belly jeans | jelly beans |
| eye ball | bye all |
| fight in your race | right in your face |
| ready as a stock | steady as a rock |
| no tails | toe nails |
| hiss and lear | listen here |
| soul of ballad | bowl of salad |
Cack of Pards Spoonerisms
| Two of Hearts | 2♥ | Who of tarts? |
| Four of Hearts | 4♥ | Whore of farts |
| Eight of Hearts | 8♥ | Hate of Arts |
| Ten of Hearts | 10♥ | Hen of tarts |
| Ace of Spades | A♠ | Space of aids |
| Four of Spades | 4♠ | Spore of fades |
| Eight of Spades | 8♠ | Spate of AIDS |
| Four of Diamonds | 4♦ | Door of fireman's |
| Five of Diamonds | 5♦ | Dive of fireman's |
| Six of Diamonds | 6♦ | Dicks of Simon's |
| Two of Clubs | 2♣ | Clue of tubs |
| Five of Clubs | 5♣ | Clive of Fubbs |
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